Strange Feelings – Difficult Questions

I woke up about 3 this morning, feeling rather strange. Three is a little early for me – even with my irregular sleep patterns.

After I got my basic daily journal entries set up in TreePad, I decided to take my numbers – BP and so forth. My BP and blood sugar were high – not good. My weight was actually down 1.4 pounds from last week. That is good.

My Current Situation

I live in the northern Delaware area, and I’m unemployed. My health insurance is individual with a high deductible and a high 50-50 co-pay, and it costs me the earth every quarter, so I can’t really afford much medical care. I have no financial resources – I’m just now asking my sister for financial help – again – to give me more time for my writing project to work. I have no debts at this point.

I’m working to turn myself into a writer. I know there are people who earn an excellent income writing. Whether I can earn a decent living by writing is another question. That horse of a different color – what you ‘eard tell about.

I’ve been thinking and reading about writing for some years now. I’ve been moving forward – slowly – perhaps too slowly. I’ve recently organized (and announced – on another of my blogs) a project to “Write More” – which I intend to segue into a project to try to earn a living from my writing.

To paraphrase Joseph Campbell, I’m trying to “find that eternal dimension in [myself], and [I] will ride through time and throughout the whole length of [my] days.” (In “Pathways to Bliss” – Chapter 1: The Necessity of Rites)

I’m quite good with a personal computer – which is a huge help with my writing. I’m no hacker, but I’m a fairly powerful user. I’m quite the tool maker.

My partner has no money – and has some debts. He’s on medicaid, so he has medical coverage. He has A.D., early- to mid-stage. He is eligible for S.S., but once that starts, his medicaid and food stamps stop. The closest thing he has to family is his deceased sister’s husband and family in Illinois – across the river from St. Louis.

I am his primary care giver.

My family is in the Northern Virginia area. My mother is housebound and her resources are limited. My brother has his own difficulties and limited resources. My sister is well employed and doing all right – and she has a full and complex life – which includes helping my mother.

And I have a beautiful, smart, gentle cat named Cleo – who I also need to take care of.

Difficult Questions

I have nobody to talk this over with. My partner can’t really help. And I don’t know anyone else who can help.

The whole situation looks a little rough.

Is it time to cut-’n-run? Is it time to crash-’n-burn?

Our townhouse rental office just sent their annual renewal letter – that’s an opportunity. And the car is overdue for service – that’s a liability.

Is it time to make a change?

What sort of change?

A Possibility

I could pay $80 and visit my doctor. She might be able to get my BP and blood sugar under control – maybe easily and inexpensively. That’s a possibility. That could give me some more time.

And so …

I was going to go into one of my problem solving TreePad articles and explore this situation – maybe using a PMI structure.

Then it occurred to me that it didn’t help to keep something serious like this a secret.

My blogs get hardly any readers, but this is the only non-secret outlet I have.

So – rather than explore this problem quietly, in a private journal article – I proceeded to use Angela Booth’s Organic Writing idea, and I wrote an article for my blog.

This article has taken me about two hours to write. That’s not bad. It’s got a lot of information, it’s fairly well organized, and it reads pretty smoothly. And that’s all due to Ms. Booth’s “Write More” course.

Thank you for listening.